Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
