Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
