just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
