You're my little dorito
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
