I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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