Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I understand Curling. That high.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
is it fun? or sober?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
