Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it hurts more in the daytime
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
