Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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