i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My feet surprised me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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