Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
