I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize