I have demons in me.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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