When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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