Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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