I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize