Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
