Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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