Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my shit smells like andre
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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