eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
