So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
