Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
People in love make me want to vomit
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
