ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
