You're so nebulous sometimes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I understand Curling. That high.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think your dad took our porno
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
