just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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