Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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