Your face is a jimmy john
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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