meet me or not, i'm out of control
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
