I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
