Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
