guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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