guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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