so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
