all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
