Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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