I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
