I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
