Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
it glows. i had to have it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
