ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
