I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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