She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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