We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
