just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
