remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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