I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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