i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
