as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
