I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
