im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
