it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize