Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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