im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
