Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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