In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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