Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
