Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
