i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
