Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
