so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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