Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
