I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
