Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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