omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
