well you can't waste a boner
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
