did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
