Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
