Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
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