Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
