What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
