It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
