if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
