Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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